The Formal ‘You’ in Italian: When to use the formal ‘Lei’ and informal ‘tu’ (FREE PDF)

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Ever feel nervous about how to address someone in Italian? Should you say Lei or tu?  Mastering this subtle distinction is crucial if you want to sound polite and culturally aware in Italian conversations. Whether you’re at a business meeting or meeting your partner’s grandparents for the first time, using the right form of “you” can make all the difference!

In this guide, I break down the rules for using the formal Lei and informal tu in Italian. You’ll learn when to use each one, how to handle tricky situations, and even how to transition from formal to informal speech gracefully. By the end, you’ll feel confident navigating any conversation in Italian! 

But here’s where it gets tricky: Did you know that Lei can mean both “you” and “she,” depending on the context? Stick around, and I’ll show you how to never mix them up—and share why Lei is still essential in modern Italian!

But first, make sure to download your free PDF cheat-sheet, which includes all the key points we’ll cover in this guide. Just enter your email below and I’ll send it to you straight away.

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Table to Contents

Here’s what we’ll cover in this guide. Click on any title to jump to each section.

• Why does the formal “you” in Italian exist?
• When to use the formal “you” in Italian
• What’s the difference between Lei and lei?
• The plural form of the formal “you”in Italian  
• Should Lei be capitalised?
• Is the courteous Lei also used for men? 
• The pronouns La and Le in formal speech
• Switching from formal speech to informal speech in Italian 
• Is using the formal “you” in Italian becoming obsolete?

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Why does the formal ‘you’ in Italian exist?

Historically, the Italian language relied solely on the informal pronoun tu (you), a simple and democratic way of addressing everyone, from friends to emperors. But this changed with Emperor Diocletian, who introduced a new political system with four leaders, shifting the power dynamics. That’s when the formal pronoun Voi (you) emerged as a way of showing respect to this elite group.

Fast forward to the Middle Ages, and Italians were primarily using the informal tu and the formal Voi. This distinction is well captured in Dante’s Divine Comedy, where he switches between tu for friends and Voi for authority figures. Then, in the 16th and 17th centuries, influenced by Spanish culture, the formal Lei made its debut. The Spanish had this neat way of using the third-person singular as a polite form, which Italians adopted, making Lei the preferred method for conveying respect.

During the fascist era, Benito Mussolini sought to eliminate foreign influences from the Italian language. So, he banned Lei and promoted Voi instead — after all, Lei, with its feminine sound, did not align with his vision of rugged Italian masculinity. But fascism eventually fell, and linguistic norms shifted once more. Voi gradually diminished in usage and Lei was reinstated as the predominant formal address across Italy, as it remains today.

When to use the formal ‘you’ in Italian

The formal “you” in Italian is represented by the third-person singular pronoun Lei. This means that possessive adjectives and pronouns associated with the formal address will also follow the third-person singular form:

• Signora Anna, ho visto suo padre ieri. È ancora in gamba! Lei come sta? — Ms. Anna, I saw your father yesterday. He’s still going strong! How are you?

Understanding when to use tu or Lei in Italian is not that difficult if you follow these simple guidelines:

Use Lei when:

• You’re talking to someone you don’t know or who’s from an older generation
• The person you’re speaking to holds a position of authority, like a police officer, a professor, doctor or your boss.

Use tu when:

• You’re chatting with family and friends
• You’re talking to someone around your age, like a stranger on the street from home you’re asking for directions 
• You’re engaging with a peer, such as a colleague or classmate.

Here’s a golden rule: If you’re unsure whether to use tu or Lei, it’s always safer to opt for Lei. The worst that can happen is that you make someone feel a little older, but at least you won’t come across as too casual in a serious situation!

Here are some examples:

When you use Lei, the verb mood stays the same; you just need to switch the conjugation to the third-person singular form. But if you want to make a request or encourage someone to do something in a formal way, you’ll have to resort to the subjunctive mood. That’s because the formal imperative in Italian is the same as the present subjunctive form. Here are some examples to make this clearer:

What’s the difference between Lei and lei?

When studying the formal “you” in Italian, it’s easy to mix up Lei and lei since they look exactly the same. However, they have totally different meanings:

• Lei (with a capital “L”) is the formal way to say “you”
• lei (with a lowercase “l”) means “she” and is used when you’re chatting about a female person, without talking directly to her.

Don’t stress! With a little practice, you’ll be able to tell them apart in no time. Just keep an eye on the context! Here are a couple of examples to help:

• Venezia è splendida, Lei ci è mai stata? — Venice is beautiful, have you ever been there? →  In this case, you’re using Lei to politely address the person you’re speaking to, perhaps because she is an elderly lady or your boss.
• Venezia è splendida, sai se lei ci è stata? — Venice is beautiful, do you know if she has been there? → Here, you’re talking about a female individual without addressing her directly.

The plural form of the formal “you” in Italian

When chatting with a group of people in a formal setting, you’ll need to switch from Lei to Voi, which is the plural of the formal “you” in Italian. It looks and behaves exactly like the standard plural “you”, making it much simpler to use.

For instance, if you’re at a restaurant, the waiter might greet you and your guests with:

• Buongiorno signore, cosa desiderate ordinare? — Good morning, ladies! What would you like to order?

Another option for addressing a group formally is Loro, which involves using the third-person plural form of verbs. However, this one is a bit more formal and is typically reserved for specific polite expressions in luxury establishments, such as:

• Desiderano? — What would you like?
• I signori cosa prendono? — Gentlemen, what will you have?

Should Lei be capitalised?

You may notice that Lei is sometimes capitalised and other times written in lowercase. Traditionally, Lei is capitalised to distinguish it from the third-person pronoun lei (she). However, many Italians nowadays prefer to write it in lowercase, viewing the uppercase form as somewhat old-fashioned. That said, the uppercase Lei is still commonly used in formal correspondence and official documents. 

Whether you choose to use Lei or lei, the most important thing is to maintain consistency throughout your writing. If you decide to capitalize Lei, ensure that you do the same for any related words, such as pronouns and adjectives referring to the person you are addressing.

Here’s an example of how a formal letter might look:

Egregio Dott. Bianchi,

Le scrivo per informarLa che sto organizzando un nuovo corso di specializzazione sul web marketing e sarei onorata di poter contare sulla Sua partecipazione in qualità di docente.

Resto in attesa di una Sua gentile risposta e, nel frattempo, Le porgo i miei più cordiali saluti.

Translation:

Dear Dr. Bianchi,

I am writing to inform you that I am organizing a new specialization course on web marketing, and I would be honored to count on your participation as a lecturer.
I await your kind reply and, in the meantime, I extend to you my warmest regards.

 

Notice that not only is Lei capitalized, but also La (the direct object pronoun), Sua (the possessive adjective), and Le (the indirect object pronoun) — all of which are associated with the formal “you.”

To learn more about the nuances of writing in Italian, check out my guide on how to write a letter in Italian! It covers everything from greetings to closings, ensuring your writing stands out.

Is the formal Lei also used for men? 

At first, it might seem a bit strange to use a word that literally means “she” when addressing a man. But in polite and formal Italian, Lei is used for both men and women!

For instance: 

• Posso invitarLa a pranzo, signora Maria? — May I invite you to lunch, Ms. Maria?
• Posso invitarLa a pranzo, signor Carlo? — May I invite you to lunch, Mr. Carlo?

Notice that in both cases, we use the direct object pronoun for third person singular feminine – la – to address the person, even though one is a man and the other is a woman.

However, when we use adjectives or past participles, things change a bit and we need to pay attention to the gender of the person we’re speaking to:

• Signora Maria, è mai stata a Roma? — Ms. Maria, have you ever been to Rome? → Here, we use the feminine form of the past participle, stata (been), because we are talking to a woman.
• Signor Carlo, è mai stato a Roma? — Mr. Carlo, have you ever been to Rome? → Here, we switch to the masculine form of the past participle, stato (been), because Carlo is a man.
• Signora, lei è davvero brava con i bambini! — Ma’am, you are really good with children! → Brava (good) is in the feminine form because we’re speaking to a woman.
• Signore, lei è davvero bravo con i bambini! — Sir, you are really good with children! → Bravo (good) is in the masculine form because we’re speaking to a man.

Attenzione: If we use the unstressed pronoun la, the past participle can be used in the feminine form even when addressing a man:

• Dottoressa, ieri l’ho vista al supermercato! — Doctor, I saw you at the supermarket yesterday! (addressing a female doctor)
• Dottore, ieri l’ho vista al supermercato! — Doctor, I saw you at the supermarket yesterday! (addressing a male doctor)

The pronouns La and Le in formal speech

Lei is the polite subject pronoun, but when it functions as an object in a sentence, we must switch to the pronouns La and Le.

La is the formal direct object pronoun:

• Signor Enzo, La saluto! — Mr. Enzo, goodbye!
• Anna, La ringrazio per il bellissimo pensiero! — Anna, thank you for the lovely thought!

Le is the formal indirect object pronoun:

• Dottore, quanto Le devo? — Doctor, how much do I owe you?
• Perfetto Carla, Le mando subito un’email — Perfect Carla, I’ll send you an email right away.

Attenzione: Pronouns are generally placed before the verb. However, when the verb is in the infinitive form, you can either place the pronoun before the verb or attach it to the end of the infinitive:

• Signora, La volevo ringraziare — Madam, I wanted to thank you.
• Signora, volevo ringraziarLa — Madam, I wanted to thank you.

Switching from formal speech to informal speech in Italian 

In many social situations, you may start a conversation using formal speech, but as the conversation progresses and you become friendlier and more relaxed, it’s perfectly acceptable to switch to a more informal style.

If you want to suggest this switch, here are some friendly phrases you can use:

• Diamoci del tu! — Let’s use the informal ‘you’ with each other!
• Mi dia del tu! — Please, use the informal ‘you’ with me!
• Può darmi del tu! — You can use the informal ‘you’ with me!
• Possiamo darci del tu se vuole — We can switch to informal ‘you’ if you’d like
• Posso darLe del tu? — May I use the informal ‘you’ with you?

And if a child approaches you with that stiff Lei and makes you feel ancient, just throw in a little humor by saying:

• Puoi darmi del tu, non sono così vecchio/a! — You can use the informal ‘you’ with me, I’m not that old!

Is using the formal ‘you’ in Italian becoming obsolete?

Some might say that the formal way of addressing someone in Italian is becoming less common, but that’s not quite the case. While you might bump into a relaxed salesperson or a super friendly waiter who jumps straight into the informal tu, these instances are more the exception than the rule. 

In reality, the Lei form is still very much alive in everyday conversations, especially in professional settings or when meeting someone for the first time. It shows respect and helps make a good impression. Additionally, in some parts of Italy, especially in the southern regions like Calabria, Campania, and Sicily, the Voi form is still in use. Therefore, it’s essential to familiarize yourself with both the formal and informal ways of saying “you” in Italian, so you feel more confident and at ease when speaking the language.

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